And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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