Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
