do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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