Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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