she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
