DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
