dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
