Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
