yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
