How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
