ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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