I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize