I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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