STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
