I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
