from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
