Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
