I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
