Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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