i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
