Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All the doctor said was why
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
