I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
