ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
