Buhtt sex?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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