I just saw a hot homeless man
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
