If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My hand turned me down
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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