YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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