Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
