wrigley field is MILF paradise
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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