He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
