he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
