Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
