My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
