how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize