so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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