It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
