We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
