yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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