I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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