If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
