i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
