The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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