so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize