I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
