I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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