But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize