he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
