Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize