somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
