Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize