I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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