My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
