the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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