Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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