Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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