Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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