hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
