I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize