I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
