I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
