Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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