i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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