I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
