apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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