So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
