Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
