Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
