Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
