Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
