at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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