I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hippo gnu deer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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