a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
