so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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