I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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