Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
