apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
