Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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