I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
