Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
