Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
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