i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
