After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
FUCK WHALES
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