there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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