I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so let's talk penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
