WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
