Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
