I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
