Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
