Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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