I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
