walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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